Tuesday 24th May – Kill Ronald McDonald

Ronald’s Trump

Speaking with it’s mouth full, the BBC reports of McDonald’s being put under pressure yet again to kill the world’s most frightening mascot.

On Wednesday, a group of 550 healthcare workers wrote to McDonald’s asking it to stop marketing to children using methods such as toys and the clown.

But where else would British families go for an argument over Sunday dinner?

At the shareholders’ meeting, Mr Skinner said: “As the face of Ronald McDonald House Charities, Ronald is an ambassador for good and delivers important messages to kids on safety, literacy and balanced, active lifestyles.”

“Ronald McDonald is going nowhere,” Mr Skinner told Thursday’s shareholders’ meeting.

Weighing 30 stone and with arteries so clogged full of saturated fat, Ronald isn’t going anywhere fast. Even his disciple Hamburglar has had to hang up his swag bag and stick to online thievery.

Shareholders rejected a proposal for the company to issue a report outlining its role in childhood obesity.

Although there was no call for the parents, of little fat clackers, being brought to task for their role in childhood obesity.

As I’ve stated previously, this country needs more shuffling mounds of underclass lard. And the younger the better. Absolutely nothing wrong with feeding up a Foetus. Surely you can get a McDonald’s straw up there without too much hassle. Market it as a “Self Cervix Restaurant”.

Only this month, the Department of Health has put forward a white paper, outlining the recommendations on diet and exercise for the under twelves.

It’s basic premise is that of making as many of the squat little thick-as-butter-bastards sit on their arses for the whole of their reduced life, thus making it easier for the likes of you and I to push for higher levels of social positioning, with the ultimate goal of ruling the fat-gits like lean Kings, and creating a sub-class of roly-poly slaves.

By swelling the idles to epic proportions from a young age, the genitalia will becomes lost in the ebb and flow of the Fatlantic Ocean.

By eliminating the act of wobbly consummation, the millions of loved-up Jelly Bellys are forced into a sick kind of Darwinism. Systematically eradicating these wobbling-chompers.

We welcome Gunts and Gocks with wide-open arms

The proposal, put forward by a group of nuns, asked for a report within six months, “assessing the company’s policy responses to public concerns regarding linkages of fast food to childhood obesity, diet-related diseases and other impacts on children’s health”.

While ignoring the public’s concerns surrounding the Catholic church’s linkages to child welfare, indoctrination and choirboy buggery.

I highlight the hypocrisy so you don’t have to. Easy pickings in this case.

As for the Nuns – one would think they’d love children to be brought up following a fictional figure who can conjure food from thin-air. Millions of people all over the world take great pride in visiting a spiritual building with a famous symbol of unity on its spire.

For a devout Christian, what’s more heart-warming than queuing with the congregation at the altar, making a small donation, before being offered the body and blood of their Lord (strawberry milkshake and McChicken nuggets respectively).

The board of directors opposed the motion, saying it offered a variety of food to its customers, provided nutrition information about the food, and communicated with children “in a responsible manner through age appropriate marketing and promotional activities”.