Sunday 8th May 2011 – Osama has a TV / Sony is Rubbery.

Lonely Fools & Corpses

The BBC lead with the “Revealing Images of a Familiar Face” today.  Hoping that the BBC had uploaded some dirty pics of newly-wed Kate Middleton, I was sadly disappointed when I found out that journalist, Natalia Antelava, is talking about Osama Bin Laden, opening with three paragraphs painted with more desperate drama than a Dan Brown novel:

“An old, frail-looking man sits slouched on a floor, a television remote control in his hand.
He strokes his grey beard and rocks gently as he watches himself on the screen.
The man is Osama Bin Laden, captured on a tape that the US government says Navy Seals brought back with them from their mission in Abbottabad.”

Living in a town named after the local term for tourist diarrhoea, Osama, bored with re-runs of Noel’s House Party, liked to tape his rehearsals. What shame these out-takes didn’t make the canned laughter planet of “You’ve Been Framed”.

“No audio, no context and no explanation has been provided for the choice of clips that the Pentagon decided to release”

And no explanation has been provided by the BBC for it’s choice of reportage written by a 12 year old.

If I need to see footage of an old bearded man watching TV I’d stick “Only Fools and Horses” on. At least Uncle Albert wasn’t attached to a Pakistani dialysis machine at the time. Why did it take the US Special forces 9 months of planning, when all they had to do was cut the power?

“But, by showing a frail and weak Bin Laden, the US is undoubtedly trying to tarnish the image of the al-Qaeda leader in the eyes of his supporters around the world.”

Because supporters around the world used to think he looked like George Fucking Clooney before “Oh Mah Gawd, that Osama Fella’s all old-an-shit. Dammit, he even got a beard! Sister, get me a pen and paper – ahm gowna write a stern letter to Al Qaeda.”.

If reports are be believed, US Navy Seals managed to tarnish Bin-Laden’s image in front of his greatest supporter – Mrs Laden – tarnishing him right in the eyes of his supporter, with a 9mm rifle shell right in his right eye.

Until that other guy breaks into your house via the chimney on 25th December, Osama remains the world’s most notorious fictional bearded vision of terror and mystery.

He is survived by sixteen wives, forty-seven children and seventy-three terrorist cells.

We Are Very Sony Indeed

Leading no-news story recently (ITV News) and still going strong today, Sony have delayed the promised re-starting of the their open-all areas, credit-card -lucky-dip arena known as the PlayStationNetwork (or NotWork as Eurogamer.net kindly put it).

For over two weeks the service has be subject to terrible attacks by misguided, deluded and unfortunately not-anonymous Sony PR executives, who are currently struggling to co-ordinate weeing up the walls in a rice-wine factory.

The Guardian push the story further today with..

“As PlayStation Network tries to get back online, Sony points to Anonymous”.

Sony’s points to their PR department, who wish to remain anonymous. I end this article, with deep apologies. *LOW-BROW*

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