Code-breaking and More Password Breaches *lick*

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TECHNOLOGY

An original World War II Enigma machine is to be used to encrypt messages that will be decoded at Bletchley Park, as part of Cheltenham Science Festival.

The recreation of the code-breaking process is part of celebrations to mark the centenary of Alan Turing’s birth.

Crashing the Enigma machine head first into the 21st century, the first message attempt to be sent and then decoded will be, “totes lolling @ enema mashin #roflwriter”

Experts predict that this complex coded dialect may never be broken. Alan would be Turing in his grave. *scratches the side of the sofa*

To use the correct dialogue of his time, Alan would find modern communications rather spiffing. Although “spiffing” now not in popular use sounds a little like a genital-urinary problem.

Doctor, I’m having a little trouble “downstairs”. I’ve a small amount of spiff discharging from my toodle-pip. My husband is also experiencing a little burning in his cheery-bye and it’s spiffing quite a lot during intercourse.

MORE TECHNOLOGY

Last.fm is the latest in a string of sites to admit its passwords are at risk
Music website Last.fm is investigating the leak of “some” of its members’ passwords, the UK-based company has said.

By “some” they mean “some number between 1 and everyone”. Oh and don’t think for a minute that it’s their responsibility to keep your details safe. Miaow.

A message posted on the site’s homepage advised all of its customers to “change their passwords immediately, “We strongly recommend that your new Last.fm password is different to the password you use on other services.”

Last.fm apologised, saying it took user privacy “very seriously

But not that seriously, “on the homepage” but no emails, obviously. Purrrrrrrrr.

But remember its your fucking fault, muggles. And don’t write all those passwords down. They’ll get burned in a fire or eaten by the dogs, or lost amongst the junk, or worse still you’ll mix your passwords up. End of the world coming up. Hold on tight.

Oh and don’t even THINK of letting your browser REMEMBER passwords, those pesky hackers are looking over your shoulder all day and night. Best check. Go on. Have a look behind you. No, the cat doesn’t count: BUT IT MIGHT! Or does it?

The cat’s are always watching us. Have you ever noticed that? Ever had that strong feeling someone behind you has his beady eyes on you, broken only by a quick catbumlick and tiny smelly catfart? Look again. Careful though, don’t make it obvious. Those CATXXORS are all seeing.

Remember to encode your passwords in non-feline and store them in the middle of the lounge floor. They’ll never think of looking there as they run the obstacle course around the entire perimeter of the room for no fucking reason at all.

So what to do?

The breach follows similar leaks at social network LinkedIn and dating site eHarmony

Remember, those wily old cats are out there right now judging YOUR shit music collection, arranging fake dates with YOUR single mums & divorcees and worse of all… They are elaborately updating YOUR CVs right now. In between leaving small pools of hairy vomit behind your bed.

So your duty people and keep vigilant against this sloppiness, else they’ll be updating our websites next. Mew

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